YOU & ME & ENDOMETRIOSIS MAKES THREE

YOU & ME & ENDOMETRIOSIS MAKES THREE 

What does Endo look like? Endo is like what I've said... ugly. It's there when I am not. It's the person you are talking to at a party when I am nothing but a shell of myself and I don't really want to be there. A woman with endo has learned how to suppress pain. She has learned how to work with the "What the fuck was that thought?" The twinges, pain and sensations are always there. We just learned how to work, feed our kids, love our significant others, attend family functions, run errands, clean, cook, make sure things are paid, and push ourselves to attend that night out we so stupidly agreed on a week ago with our friends. But what about when she is able to come home kick off her shoes take a shower and finally lay in bed. What does it look like then? Well get ready to finally know what your sister, mother, best friend, cousin, aunt, have all been trying to explain to you. And we get it, your blank stares when we do try to explain the night we've had, show not only confusion but judgment. "I don't judge my..." YEAH you do, even if it's not out loud, you do. Now here we go...

8:45pm - I finally have laid in bed and the day is over, I have showered and can relax. My husband is here and looking for attention... I can't tonight, my back is hurting.
9:00pm - I started my period.. this rings true to the back pain earlier, so much for a fucking shower.
9:15pm -  Run to the rest room to throw up. Here come the waves of nausea and dizziness
9:30pm - CRAMPS!! not your average cramps. I feel like I am being attacked by the hell hounds from Game of Thrones. That back pain from earlier is crippling. I lay down with my heating pad on HIGH..
10:15pm - Burn marks on my skin from the heating pad.. Pain is increasing and blood flow is unforgivable. I lay on my side to keep from bleeding on my pajama bottoms and my bed.
10:45pm - I don't want to be up late I take my prescription medications for the pain. They make me itchy. I scratch nail marks into my sides, legs, and arms. I am tired. I have to work in the morning.
11:15pm - The pain is calmed, NOT GONE.. Just calmed. I still feel it there. I feel like I am being squeezed to death. The meds still have me scratching at my skin. Also, it has now made me hypersensitive. I hear everything, like a pin drop on the floor. A cat meow two doors down. I can not sleep.
11:45pm - I sit up and log online to chat with whomever is still online in my Endo groups to see if anyone is having a night like me... A few, they send their well wishes, I send them back.
12:15am - I throw up again. The muscles spasms from the throwing up have me crippled on the floor. I try to cry and sniffle in silence. I don't want to wake anyone.
12:45am - Back in bed here come the chills, My body has been in pain too long my system is going into shock. I start shaking uncontrollably.. My teeth chattering wakes my husband. His acceptance is more comfort to me then his panic. He lays his hand on my tummy and is trying to hold me while I shake loosely.
1:30am - I fell asleep for awhile... I think. The shaking subsided. The pain is still there.
2:24am - I am awake again, up for a bathroom break. Blood gushes as I stand up. I feel so dizzy. Making my way to the toilet, I slide down my underwear. Time to change my pad for the 5th time tonight. I am so tired.
3:30am - I've been up watching old cartoons and Friends reruns. I am so tired but too much pain to sleep. I take deep breathes and try to relax...I have to be up to work in a few hours.
4:45am - Still awake, pain still present. Meds are now wearing off.
5:25am - I cry again... I am frustrated because I am tired. And mad my body has not let me sleep.
6:00am - Alarm goes off... It's time to go to work....

So there you go reader. This is what Endometriosis looks like, I told you it was ugly. Maybe you won't be so quick to judge, or agree like you know what pain and frustration someone with the disease is going through. Don't try to RELATE... To be honest, we aren't sure why we tell you. We aren't looking for pity, or reassurance. We just get tired of suffering in silence sometimes. It's easier to get the words out, its less we have to keep in. I am done writing my damn right ovary is throbbing...